The word stalking may have different meanings for different people. When I first heard the word used in the Toltec teachings I had a reaction to it. For me I always associated the word with some manifestation of the predator and prey relationship; whether it was animals stalking animals or humans stalking humans, it had a negative connotation for me. I never envisioned it as a tool to learn more about myself. I'd like to share a story with you that I experienced 10 years ago and that in recalling it, has helped me understand the process of Stalking (or Recapitulation) and what a powerful tool for inner transformation it can be.

I was living on 2000 acres of property in rural Massachusetts at the time. The previous night it had snowed quite a bit and I had planned to walk the land on Christmas day to hunt. I woke up early and noticed the snow still falling yet decided to go out anyway and do some tracking. I planned to be out only an hour and was dressed in winter boots, jeans and a heavy sweater. I slung my shotgun across my back and headed out. What a world I entered. Completely white and totally silent. It was as if I had walked through a doorway to another dimension. There was a mystery to this place and I felt like I was seeing it with a new perspective even though I had lived there for 2 years. I had walked for about 45 minutes and was about ready to turn back when a set of tracks caught my eye. I studied them, noticing they were fresh, not more than 5 minutes old. They belonged to a very large buck. My heart started pounding and I realized I was very close to something very big. Tracking in the snow is really quite easy and it is fun to go out after a snowfall and see the footprints of various creatures living in the forest and how their lives intersect with one another. However tracking a large buck in a foot of snow while it's still snowing and being underdressed, is another story. I was already wet and cold. Yet when those tracks crossed my path I forgot about everything else and began to stalk. I was led on an intense and challenging journey. The deer had gotten my scent and knew I was on his trail. He led me through thickets, marshland, up steep knolls and down the other side. It didn't matter where he led me - I was totally focused on finding him. Sometimes I was crawling, other times moving swiftly - now completely soaked through yet completely oblivious to it. I had one goal and that was to stalk this deer to itself - to the source of these tracks I was so diligently following. This experience was timeless. I felt like I was part of the landscape, a distinct part of the world I had entered - inseparable. I can't remember ever feeling so focused and committed to going to the beginning of what I was stalking.

Four hours later I found what I was looking for. I came to a stand of maple trees on a hillock and slowly followed the tracks into the stand. As I reached the top I saw the buck below me on the edge of a swamp, maybe 15 yards away. He was quietly feeding. I could see his breath hang in the cold air. I slowly raised the gun and clicked off the safety. As I lined up my shot I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace. I felt like I was seeing for the first time who the deer actually was. That moment felt so beautiful, so fresh, so interwoven with Life itself. I finally had come to the essence of what I had been stalking. Even though the conventional belief said, "take the shot," I clearly saw how I could do something very different in this moment: I didn't have to shoot. I had made a new choice in the midst of an old pattern. As I knelt down in the snow a completely new sensation was flowing through me. A major belief about being a hunter had shifted. Exhaling a long deep breath, I clicked the safety back on and lowered the gun. I sat watching the buck for a few more minutes, and then slowly backed down the hillock. That Christmas day was the last time I went deer hunting.

I couldn't have known back then how integral this experience would be to my understanding the Toltec tool of Stalking. It is with the same intensity and awareness of the hunter that we can stalk our very own beliefs, and experience those beliefs in a new way once we reach their source. At first the idea of stalking an emotion or a belief to its "source" may seem a bit daunting. Try finding a quiet space in which you are comfortable and undistracted by any intrusions. Let your mind empty itself of all extraneous thoughts and focus on the belief that is getting your attention. For example, use the belief that "I can't dance." Don't laugh, sometimes the most innocuous beliefs are the ones that have kept us from fully expressing who we truly are. Now, allow your mind to roam your memories just observing what appears without any judgment. This is the recapitulation process. Observe all the times in your life when you chose not to dance. Keep stalking that belief and you will eventually find the source of that belief. It may have been a comment from someone you loved or respected; it may have been an authority figure. Maybe you were only five years old when that belief was given to you. Regardless, there was a time and place when you made an agreement that cemented that belief into your foundation. When you feel like you have arrived at the source you then have an opportunity to shift the perception of that experience. Arriving at that moment possibly many years ago, you can re-interpret the belief differently this time. Instead of believing "I am a lousy dancer", you could simply say, "You know what? I love to dance!" With this act of power you can reclaim so much of the lost energy that one particular belief held captive for so many years. With the intent to stalk from the point of view of Love we can use the power of choice to believe or not believe what was given to us and accepted by us as "truth." I have used the practice of Stalking to go back to many different experiences in my life, even going as far back to my birth to observe what beliefs I agreed to and how they have shaped my life to date. This tool can release so much energy in our lives prompting us to begin "living our free will and with all the power of our spirit" as the Circle of Fire prayer encourages us to do.

As Artists living our own creation, Stalking is an essential tool used to build a new dream called "Heaven on Earth." Que Tu Sol Sea Brilliante!

Jamie Gilroy recently moved to Southern California to join the Toltec community, write, and catch some waves. He lives with and learns from his 12 year old son, Nicolas Kai. You can reach him at jgilroy2@cox.net.

 

This article is copied from The Fifth Agreements, issue Feb, 2003.